Saturday, October 2, 2010

I cannot defense myself....

I am so tired of always get yelled at. I am an adult, but I constantly feel like a kid. I am so tired of them always yelling at me. They do not understand me at all and I am not even a bad kid. I listen to them all the time, I never do anything without their permission, and I always do what they want me to do. But once in a while, I just too tired of them. I don't understand why they do not understand me me me me.

I cannot defense myself at all, none of them are on my side. One will just add on with the other to push me and push me. It is not fair, not fair, not fair!!!!! My GOD they got to STOP being like that. Just little things that they push it to make it a major problem. I cannot defense myself because I am not allowed to talk back. I just could not explain to myself because they don't listen.

Just a while ago, I help doing house chores and one of them come home yell at me. She told me why I am being lazy and don't do anything in the house. I just did it, but she don't accept what I did. I don't understand, what does she want? Does she want me to video tape what I did to prove that I did it? Do I have to brag about it? I am not a bad person, I tried to do nice things, to help out, but all I received is bad words coming back to me. All I receive is nothing but scolds, swears toward me. I don't understand, what do you want from me? I don't understand. And then, another one come home and decided to add on to my misery. All he can say is " YOU DON'T DO Anything in this HOUSE? What do you mean that " I DON'T"? I don't get it, do I have to tell you every little thing I did to prove it to you? I AM NOT like that!! I am not that kind of person. I cannot just tell them what I did and I cannot defense myself. Why is life being so unfair to me? Bad luck come to me all the time and I am so tire of it. They keep thinking I am not being responsible. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING About? I am too tire of it. I DID what you want, and no one appreciate it. And then they told me that I never understand how hard they have to work to support me? What are you talking about? I tried to help out but I don't get it. They told me that I got to think about my action, but they never think about what I did. I don't understand it, I am not telling them that they should appreciate what I do, all I want them to do is please understand that I want to help them. They don't SEEEEE it!!!! Why are they always being unfair to me? I always and constantly LOVE THEM....I want to pay back what they did, but all they see is nothing nothing from me. What do I do? I am just so mad and I just cannot explain myself. What do I do? I want to be quite for the rest of my life so I never have to explain myself? But that is not an them it is stupidity, to them it is disrespectful, to them I AM JUST A WORTHLESS person.

Why is every part of my life is so hard? I tried so hard, but I can't never catch up. I never feel confident with myself. I don't know what is my credibility, all I see is I am not worth it. All I see of myself is nothing. I am struggling in school but no one can understand that it is so hard for me to compete, I am not being appreciated at home. I just feel so numb, everything from me is useless. Is that what I deserved? I am never feel Happy, there are so much pressure. I don't know what to do. I feel I am being left behind and life just goes on for the others....

Please support me my believer, I believe in you, and please help me get through the rough roads ahead of me.

Cry silently.......


  1. Oh wow. I'm sorry I missed this. Who is saying these awful things to you? Is it your family, do you live at home? Or is it roommates? If it's roommates, then you need to move as soon as you can to a better rooming situation. If it's family, that's much harder. My husband's father was abusive like this. He would tell my husband that he is worthless and wouldn't amount to anything. I don't know why a parent would say these kinds of things, but I think in a sick twisted way, they think they are doing the right thing. Making their child work harder, and be tougher. I know my husband worked very hard trying to prove his father wrong. I told him to stop that, because his father would never be happy and would never give him credit. So it's not worth his time and effort, instead just prove it to himself, and do what he needs to do to be happy for himself. Besides, there were others who believe in him, like me, our kids, and my family.

    You need to believe in yourself and do things for your own happiness. I'm thinking of two things you could do. The first is get a post it notepad. You know, those little pads that you can stick notes everywhere. Whenever you do your chores, leave a note there. On the sink, "I did the dishes this morning." on the toilet, "I cleaned the toilet today." and I mean for everything you do, so they can't deny it. Or the other thing, is stop doing anything to help, and when they get mad about it, tell them, I don't get any credit for anything I do, so I won't do anything. Then I will deserve it when you want to call me lazy and tell me I do nothing. If you want me to help again, then stop saying those mean things.

    Maybe you don't feel like you could do that. Then maybe we can think of something else. Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself since you already know what they are saying isn't true. So don't believe lies.

  2. @Donna

    Thank you for believing in me and supporting me with these kind words. I felt much better now....Thanks for being here for me. I should try ur way of doing work. hee hee.

  3. It's hard living with other people, particularly in college. I remember having arguments about whether the dishes were done the right way and that kind of thing, as well as people who never cleaned after themselves.

    It might be worth having a meeting to discuss these issues. If chores aren't assigned already, maybe they need to be so people can see who is and isn't doing their share of the work.

    But Donna is right, you do need to tell people when you do stuff, otherwise they often do not notice.