Please ignore this post if you guys do not like reading personal post like this.
I thought I will be off to the summer with a happy face on my face. But today...one of the worse day ever in my life. I really want to express my anger and I just want scream at someone. However, I resent that and just simply want to write this little diary post. Today I figure out the grade for one of my class. I was surprised...realllly surprised...never believe how I could be that surprising. I question myself what did I do wrong? I question myself that did I really did that bad? I question myself that is all my effort I put into this class go into waste? I never in that moment could believe my eyes. I could not believe the numbers that I recieved. Why? WHy? Why? If I was slacking off, if I did not do anything, if I was playing around, if I was not doing what I suppose to do, I would accept the grade I got. However, NO NO NO...I was not being a bad student and a bad girl and I recieved a grade that never in my life I thought I would. After being in the teacher's office, I went out, calculated my grade and simply just cried cried cried. To tell everyone the truth, it feels worse than failing for the WST or get bad score on the SAT. It so hurt, I just cannot describe it. I did not see it coming and it shoot right through me. I feel so bad because I just feel that I should get a bit higher grade to help my GPAs, but now I lose my chance to maintain the high GPAs. I needed it...I need high GPA to apply to Nursing....I need it because it is my future. It just seem that I simply let it slip off my hand. Right now crying does not make me feel better. It just makes it worse and worse. There is no help for talking to my teacher. I just cannot be disrespectful to her, but I just cannot explain that to her that I really put my effort into the class.
Afterward, my friend just drove me to the mall and we walk around to help me forget my grade. However, the pain came back and it make me feel so lonely. Have you ever feel that you are at a bottom of a tank and you tried harder than others, but you cannot reach up to pull yourself out of it? I am behind and now I feel worse for being behind. I tried hard, but I still not succeed. I see others who are now ahead of me and just feel so lonely. I want to raise my voice, but feel that everyone will just look down on me. I really wish that someone could understand my capability and ability, understand that I work really hard. I just want others to stop comparing me to others make me feel like I meant nothing to the others.